<em>First and most importantly, I’d like to say thank you to all the veterans. I know that it is because of all of you that I can sit her comfortably behind a laptop and blab about whatever I feel like blabbing about. I appreciate your sacrifice and will forever be indebted to you.
A while back on Get Rich Slowly, they had a post about what they called “The Foolywed Game“. When I read it I thought it was interesting, and knowing that I had plans to get married sometime in the future, I made a mental bookmark to get around to sitting down with H and playing the game. After we got some downtime, we decided to play recently. Honestly, I wasnt quite sure what to expect, I just figured it would be something interesting we could do for a half hour.
There obviously were some areas that we knew exactly what each other would say, and others were we only had best guesses, but couldn’t be sure. One of the things that it did point out was that we saw things differently for different reasons. For instance, the first question asks you to put some things that basically every couple needs to buy in order of importance. I ranked the things in terms of how important they were to me, while she ranked them based on how much each cost (or she anticipated that they would cost in the future). I thought this was important because I feel like you really need to know why someone answers a question the way they do. Obviously, understanding that she’s ordering them by projected cost will help us determine what to spend our resources on in the future.
It was also nice to know that she’s at least interested in learning all of the details of our finance system in case I die unexpectedly. Right now, we keep our finances mostly seperate, but we have a few joint accounts. One is for bill pay, and we have 2 goal savings accounts for the future. She typically pays the bills that come by paper mail with a check (I think this is just the trash bill) and all of the other bills are on autopay out of our joint account. I look at the bill statement every month to make sure that everything jives with what I expect it to be and leave it at that. I’m glad that she wants to learn about everything that works (because I’d make her learn anyway), and it will be much easier to teach her if she wants to learn.
We each obviously had different financial role models, but we both looked up to them for the same reasons. It wasn’t because they were wealthy, but more because they are frugal and have more of a DIY approach when it comes to finances. Frugality and thrift isnt completely lost on the two of us, but I think that there are ways where we can do more of the good stuff and a bit less of the stuff that’s not so good.
I also learned that our financial values line up pretty well, but because she’s not too interested in finances (aside from that whole spend less than you earn thing), she doesn’t know that there is a ton of ways to earn money with the money that you already have. Surely at some point in the future when we have spare money, there will be talk about how best to allocate it for the future, which will be a learning experience for both of us.
We also view money a little differently, and I think that’s partially because I’ve been reading extensively on it from blogs and the like for about 4 years. Over those four years, I’ve learned so much, so I know where I want to be with my money in the future, and I know the difference between financial independence and retirement. While I thought I knew where I wanted to be with my money 4 years ago, where I wanted to be was defined by different things than it is now, so it has obviously changed. I’m excited to have more talks about this with H and hopefully we can get on a similar playing field with our money and our goals. We arent that far apart as it is, but being in sync would make things much easier.
H and I have a few decisions to make regarding finances and goals in life. I cant wait to make them and will be excited for the day that our goals come to fruition.
Overall, I think this was a solid exercise to do with H. We both got a better understanding of what the other one things about money and how they operate, which will only help out in the future. This obviously won’t be the last conversation of its kind, but it was a good first one.
Readers: how often do you talk about money with your spouse/significant other? Are you of very different money habits, or do you both tack towards the same line? Has it always been this way?
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After 30 years, MW and I should try this. It almost makes me laugh to think about it. We are very different in many ways, but like you and H, our financial goals have always melded well. We enjoy each other too much to let a silly game ruin our lives, right Honey??
Exactly dean – I figured that we’d take quite a bit away from it and no one would get upset about the answers that were said or anything like that. I saw very little downside, and it was fun!
That sounds like a stellar game to play. My fiancee and I are getting married in May. We have talked about pretty much everything there is to talk about — including finances — but this would be a fun activity. I’ll have to check it out!
H and I have talked a lot about everything (including finances) but this was a nice deal because it was structured with questions to ask. I dont know if I’d know what specific questions to ask otherwize, other than general things.
That sounds like fun. My wife and I talk about major purchases, savings goals, and the like. The day to day stuff she largely leaves to me.
Hi Beagle
H and I are sort of planning to do things in a similar way, but we are not sure exactly what the nitty gritty will look like – this did help us out a lot with what we want for the future though.
Interestingly, people have such different experiences with money, often as a result of their upbringing. Investing in the Markets is 2nd nature to me… but I’ve seen it for years. And these differences can create stresses… so perhaps this is a good way to at least open up a volatile topic.
indeed – H is not that comfortable with market investing Dr stock. I think she just needs to learn more about it, but I could be off base as well.
While I can’t match Dr Dean (congrats on 30 years) C and I have been married for over 8 years, together for 12. We combined our money before we were even engaged, and slowly, our views of personal finance have come closer and closer together. I handle the every day money management and we discuss all major purchases together. We do not have set times to discuss our finances, but an agreement that either of us can bring the subject up at any time. A few times a year, I do a review of our finances, look at where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going, and I’ll send him a detailed email (complete with charts) with the data.
I think the important part is that we are both open to discussion at any time.
the charts sound like the most important part. I know that H isnt too interested in the small parts, but is more a big picture person in this case, as long as she doesnt feel restricted in some way
I have been married so long (43 years), I am not sure if we are alike or we grew alike over the years. We very rarely disagree on basic or important issues.
that’s good KC and congrats on 43 years!
Congrats! I’d love to get to 43 years. Or, heck, if we both live a normal-to-longish lifespan we can get to 50 years or even 60 years. Fingers crossed.
This is super important in a relationship. I hope that future Mrs. Eric and I have the same discipline to discuss this before the big day.
I agree eric – when we started dating and after I graduated I told her I had a large amount of debt and was going to work to pay it off, and she didnt seem to mind – she supported me in all of my repayments and money saving diy adventures.
I try to talk about it with my husband but he’s not as vocal about personal finance as I am. I’ll see if he’ll play the game with me. I think it’d be a great idea.
I tend to take care of all the bills… probably control issues. Maybe in the past it was trust issues. Money and couples can be complicated. We are working on simplifying it for us. After 33 yrs of marriage, I think I can get over the control stuff
Maybe.
Now that Mrs. RB40 edit our blog, she has caught up on most of our personal finance. We probably should play the foolywed game at somepoint, but we’re too busy right now.
We rarely have disagreement about money. I think this is mainly because we make enough so occasional splurges did not cause much conflict.
Thanks for the input joe! I think that H and I will get an allowance, maybe weekly or bi-weekly, then possibly a quarterly allowance of a larger amount to get new clothing or something along those lines. She doesnt want to go without new clothing, and it’s something that I dont really care about one way or the other, but I’m sure there’s something we can work out.
We discuss our finances often. We have all of our accounts joined – we have a monthly “allowance” what we do what we please with – no questions asked. It works great. If I want beer, I buy it. She wants lunch with co-workers weekly, she does just that.
We found that combining our finances meant a LOT less work, and since we’re married, and we share all of our money and planning, it works great for us. Maintaining two budgets is a PITA we don’t want to go back to.
that is what direction I think we will go, but more talking is clearly needed so we can set boundaries and goals.
Hahah I love the name – Foolywed.
CB and I need to play that! Now that we’ve started keeping track of our combined expenses, we are seeing the areas where we are spending way more than we should have. In terms of retirement, I think we are on track. We haven’t had any real “sit-down” talks about our personal finance – most me tinkering with Excel to show him what our combined annual income, retirement funds, etc. are. I probably like talking about personal finance more than he does, but he knows how important it is and is 100% on board with our goals. I think that’s the most critical thing.
It was interesting WH – we both learned a lot and I realized what while i’ll probably handle the day-to-day, i’ll need to make some sort of master document that will have all of our account numbers and purposes on it, so in case she ever needs something or something happens to me, she wont have to unwind all of my decisions and accounts.
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